20 Best Sexual Offensive Jokes

1.  Is your name Tanya? Cuz I’m gonna tan ya ass.
2. Are you a termite? Cause you’re about to have a mouth full of wood.
3. I wish you were soap so I could feel you all over me.
4. I may not go down in history, but I’ll go down on you.
5. Do you want to come to my time machine? We stop somewhere between ’68 and ’70
6. Let’s play carpenter. First, we’ll get hammered, then I’ll nail you.
7. If it’s true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by morning.
8. Are you my new boss? Because you just gave me a raise.
9. I lost my virginity. Can I have yours?
10. Do you need a stud in your life? Cause I got the STD and all I need is U.
11. Men vacuum in the same way that they have sex. – They just put it in and make some noise for 3 minutes before they collapse on the couch.
12. Someone asked the other day how you spell “scrotum”, I replied ” you should have asked me last night as it was on the tip of my tongue”
13. What does tofu and a dildo have in common? They are both meat substitutes
14. What do you call a useless piece of skin on a penis? A penis
15. What do you call an IT teacher who touches up his students? A PDF file
16. How is virginity like a soap bubble? One prick and it’s gone
17. How is pubic hair like parsley? You push it to the side before you start eating.
18. How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant?
19. What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick
20. I visited my friend at his new house. He told me to make myself at home. So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.